i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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