Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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