I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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