How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
