Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
how does that bad decision feel?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
