I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
