she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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