I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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