I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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