Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize