It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
