If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my being single is dangerous.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
