He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
