is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
