On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
