Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize