I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
