Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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