how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize