dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize