The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
