so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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