real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
