$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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