Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
