it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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