can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
