I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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