He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
