we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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