It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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