dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
