i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How naked do you want me to be?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
