i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
