I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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