This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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