Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
