The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
