If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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