Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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