yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
