So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
