Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
