So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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