Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
