he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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