his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His hands were made for my vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
