Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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