Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
