Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
