I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
