Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
