I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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