lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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