Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
