In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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