Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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