why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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