the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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