Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
