I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
