I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
