After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize