she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
