yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
